Yes means yes – the power of positive negotiation.
One of the many people I’ve met along this little adventure that is life told me “I always start with positive negotiation instead of negative negotiation.” The thrust of what they were trying to communicate is “How about instead of telling me what you don’t want me to do – let’s discuss what you do want to do or try.”
He then went on to demonstrate his point with humor (the best way to communicate your point). “So, I was reading over your do not do list and can’t help but notice you skipped over a fantasy of mine. So I figured I’d ask. Are you OK with me shoving a CFL light bulb up your ass?”
He, of course has no actual desire to shove a CFL light bulb up anyone’s ass (I think…he’s really good at using humor to keep people at bay / off guard while he sorts them out so maybe he does).
But (butt) his anal negotiated distraction aside – his point was not lost on me.
We live in a culture that reminds us daily “No means no” and guilt trips us and focuses on the negative aspects of sexual desires / expression as we attempt to negotiate and relate to each other.
What IF….instead of acting and living and reinforcing “No means no” we all changed our focus to “Yes means yes”???
What IF we “switched” from “I’m afraid of…and you may not do” to “I’m interested in and I WANT / trust you to do…”???