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Need vs. Want

Need vs. Want – a thought on the language of love, fet and relationships


I was asked the question “Do you need me?” The answer was simple, nope. I don’t “need” you, but I do “want” you and I happen to think that is a much, much better foundation for a relationship.

Over and over again on fet I find extreme language. I never, I always, I need but when I examine those who use such language I find the nuance is missing. Those who never do sometimes, those who always occasionally don’t and those who need will in fact be OK if the need isn’t met and in fact they want it because it makes them happy.

And that’s just it – admitting you want it because it makes you happy is exactly what makes fet so thrilling. I don’t “need” to tie up people, I want to tie up people, and it makes me happy. I’ve met many people who don't need to be tied up but want to be tied up and that makes them happy.

So while I get the romanticism of “need” and the simplicity of “always” and “never” I for one like that I want my attnwhor and that she wants me. I like that I want to be friends with the people I’ve met and they want to be friends with me. I’ve found relationships based not on obligation or expectation but desire and happiness and I think that is way better than “need”.

Your $0.02 are welcome.

Link to original Fetlife writing

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